Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
