it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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