I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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