He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
