This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's blow job season.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
