I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize