Got a toothbrush?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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