He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This is my gift to your gina
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
