i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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