when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can I color on your dick again?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
