Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
