yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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