make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
