i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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