I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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