the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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