im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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