Will you blow on my dice?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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