fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I will be naked everywhere
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
