Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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