you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well you can't waste a boner
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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