his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
