The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
