were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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