I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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