Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
