R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
