Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
