Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize