It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think people are normalizing furries
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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