just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
