My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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