I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Someone shattered a urinal.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
