remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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