mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
