You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
