At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
