Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
