i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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