Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
