Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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