Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
