shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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