I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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