apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
