OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
