You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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