I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
