He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
