Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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