look no pants
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
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Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We need to get me chipped asap
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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