i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I wish there were birth control emojis
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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