my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
