Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
