dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize