I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
