K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so explain again why im purple
no
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
