the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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