ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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