Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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