i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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