Your mouth is God's brothel.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
