Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
