ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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