Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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