you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize