We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
