i need an iv and a liver transplant
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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